Dismiss your anxious children as 'snowflakes' at your peril - this is why they suffer

If you are bewildered by the idea of young people "having anxiety", you're probably of mature vintage. We oldies knew what it meant to be a bit anxious. Some of us were scared of heights. Some of us feared spiders. We all felt nervous in new environments and had butterflies fluttering in our stomachs as we walked into the examination hall.

We weren't immune from trepidation or unhappiness, but none of us would ever have described ourselves as "having anxiety", let alone been deemed in need of professional help. But in 2024, more than 500 children a day in England were referred to mental health services with anxiety - that's more than double the pre-pandemic number. Something profound has changed, but what is it?

Saskia Joss, a child therapist (who, full disclosure, happens to be my daughter) specialises in treating children paralysed by a raft of different anxieties. Some are unable to attend school. Some cannot summon the courage to attend a classmate's birthday party. Some are too troubled to sleep. Some cannot eat a normal diet.

Others are so beset by apprehension about death or divorce that they are too tense to enjoy the cut and thrust of family life. Asked why there appears to be an anxiety epidemic engulfing our young, Saskia explains that Covid took a punishing emotional toll on every one of us. Adults were unable to self-soothe.

We didn't know if we, or our loved ones would fall sick or die. We had no idea if we'd be able to continue earning a living. We couldn't reassure our children or even tell them when schools would open. We existed in a state of hyper-vigilance.

Remember how often we used the word "surreal"? Our uneasiness communicated itself to our children who'd been removed from their familiar structures, social interactions and routines.

The legacy of a discombobulated nation is reflected in our young people's mental health.

Our podcast, Help! My Child Is Anxious, launched this week. Saskia explains that anxiety stems from a feeling of threat - the sufferer fears that they will not survive.

Sometimes working out why hearing a balloon burst at a party, or seeing a fly settle on a burger they've been served, affects a young person so acutely it can take a while to unravel. Sometimes the catalyst for their worry is obvious.

Either way, a good old-fashioned cuff round the earhole won't help. To recover, a child needs a cast iron guarantee he or she will be safe.

Once parents have created that protective atmosphere, progress can be rapid. Dismiss our troubled youngsters as "snowflakes" at your peril.