Forget ghosting or gaslighting: 'Ghostlighting' is the alarming new dating trend you need to know about

In a world where finding love often begins with a swipe, modern dating comes with its own emotional minefields. First came ghosting, then gaslighting. Now, a disturbing hybrid has emerged—and experts are warning it could be far more damaging. Welcome to the era of ghostlighting.

Imagine this: You’ve been dating someone for weeks. The chemistry is electric, the connection is real. You’re spending entire days together, meeting each other’s friends and family, and feeling like the relationship is evolving naturally. But then, without warning, they disappear. No call, no text, no explanation. Just complete silence. Classic ghosting.

Months pass. You begin to heal. And suddenly—they’re back. Acting like nothing ever happened. When you bring up their unexplained absence, they deny it or brush it off with vague excuses like “I was just really busy” or “You’re overthinking it.” That’s ghostlighting.

Ghostlighting: A Toxic Combination of Disappearing and Denial
According to Oprah Daily, ghostlighting is “a manipulative tactic where an individual disappears and cuts off communication suddenly,” explains certified therapist Lee Phillips. When they return, they often gaslight the victim—denying the ghosting ever occurred or blaming the victim for misinterpreting the situation.

Phillips elaborates that such behavior is rooted in anxiety, shame, and an inability to take accountability. The ghostlighter often retreats out of fear or avoidance, then returns with false narratives to regain control or soothe their guilt.

This trend is a psychological double whammy—first abandoning the person without closure, then emotionally invalidating them when they seek answers.

Ghosting and Gaslighting
While ghosting involves cutting off all communication without explanation, gaslighting refers to manipulating someone into questioning their reality. According to Psychology Today, ghosting can trigger deep feelings of abandonment and anxiety, while the National Domestic Violence Hotline describes gaslighting as a powerful form of emotional abuse that erodes a person’s self-trust and perception.

Ghostlighting, therefore, is especially insidious. It not only leaves the victim emotionally stranded but also chips away at their confidence and sense of clarity, making it even harder to recover.

Why It's More Dangerous Than It Sounds
According to a report from VICE, experts warn that ghostlighting is particularly harmful because it masquerades as reconciliation. It gives the illusion of mending something, when in reality, it only deepens emotional wounds. Victims often second-guess their feelings, wondering if they’ve exaggerated the hurt or misunderstood the situation.

But it’s not just confusion—it’s manipulation. “Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions,” the National Domestic Violence Hotline notes, “the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.”

If you’ve experienced ghostlighting, the most important thing to remember is: it’s not your fault. Emotional manipulation says more about the person doing it than the one enduring it.

Therapists suggest establishing firm emotional boundaries and recognizing red flags early. More importantly, understanding these modern dating patterns can help you protect your mental well-being and choose partners who respect your emotional reality.